The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
