You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
