Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it's like iHOP with fire
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
