I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
