i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
