feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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