You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
