My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
