i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
