last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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