whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
