people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
