Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
