still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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