So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
