so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
