i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
