Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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