So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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