Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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