i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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