So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
