idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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