so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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