mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
