After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
