You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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