He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Randomize
