Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
