This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
