Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
