If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
false alarm, still single
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
