so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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