They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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