Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
