Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
