Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
