I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
