I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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