I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
