he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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