I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
