I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
birth control should be required to get into college
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
