I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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