he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
