I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
