At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
