Who wears a wallet chain?!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
