I should be sponsored by Trojan
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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