but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
