Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
