matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
