Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
